ah counter哼哈官 幽默

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本文关于幽默的文章由88经典语录大全提供,生活中我们也常会听到一些幽默搞笑的段子,下面是小编收集的一些,一起来看看吧。

幽默英语小笑话...

1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV. Mum:There is no electricity tonight. Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on. 迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。

妈妈:今晚停电了。

迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

2.The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。

" 小女孩回答道。

3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。

” 4. I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。

” 5. A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。

接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。

她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。

我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。

她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?” 6. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。

干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。

7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。

这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。

” 8.my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人:哦, 亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了! 史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊! 布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。

” 9. Bring me the winner —- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员, 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

10. Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。

如果你只有65岁的话, 千万别进退休社区。

因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。

每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。

...男的说唱后就开始街舞节奏了,歌开头前面一小段节奏后有女的哼ah ...

a ha 男:you will not get hurt 你陪我唱情歌 看最美的烟火 在城市中牵手 我的爱为你颤抖 离开多少风雨后 我爱上唱情歌 你是夜的星斗 我真爱的所有 是郎给的诱惑 我唱起了情歌 在渴望的天空 有美丽的月色 是郎给的快乐 我风干了寂寞 在幸福的天空 你是我的所有 lrc:背影 Rap:和你唱情歌 看最美的烟火 你陪我唱情歌 看最美的烟火 在城市中牵手 我的爱为你颤抖 离开多少风雨后 我爱上唱情歌 你是夜的星斗 我真爱的所有 是郎给的诱惑 我唱起了情歌 在渴望的天空 有美丽的月色 是郎给的快乐 我风干了寂寞 在幸福的天空 你是我的所有 男:娘子 女:a ha 男:好想唱情歌 看最美的烟火 男:娘子 女:a ha 男:余恒锋 演唱:凤凰传奇 lrc:a ha 男:you will not get hurt 男:娘子 女:背影 男:娘子 女:a ha 男:you will not get hurt 男:娘子 女:a ha 男:you will not get hurt 好想唱情歌 看最美的烟火 在城市中漂泊 我的心为爱颤抖 曾经迷失风雨中 我爱上了寂寞 遥望夜的星斗 枯萎了所有 男:娘子 女郎的诱惑 作词:王艳红 作曲...

英语幽默小笑话

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。

” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。

” 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了 Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。

这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。

如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。

” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

求这首欧美歌曲,男的唱,声音有点像mroon5的,歌词是ah ah ah ah ...

The first act [b] [/ b] valentine's day,Cow:hey,look,what doesn't really painful radio to read books?All troublePenny:hi's sister is not every year in hard today?No wonder that you don't get excited,I also was unbalancedCow:what!O I everydayPenny:calculate excuses for not all like valentine's day holiday you sad hi have a boyfriend calculate however like me who receives the beauty should also hi star-crossedCow:come on,you can still do you sick star-crossed I see is longPenny:no!Anyway all the same if nobody accompanies a boyfriend just hey I request is not high as a little better than Andy lau:just so little that I deserve it?You said staticO:what made me still finish this problemPenny:cattle,o you dizzyWife:you listen to my brother etc that I really didn't mean itBelle:smelly boy dare to play me I was professorWife:I really think I could write who download the blind is that what you break the professor publishedBelle:yeah!Who would have thought of you who will have the opportunity to see whether the sun waiting for tomorrow together with the Iraqi people pray tomorrowWife:boss I was wrong,I didn't dare to the next ANiu will help me the medicineBelle:next time you want to have the nextRMB:oh what fell fast cast out,I have never lost a lot for the loser is how you are here heyPenny:what?You so as to self-studyRMB:there is handsome but today I but riches!Wish everyday is a valentine's day so I can have confidence in more than 20 years,Bill Gates has to takePenny:oh,I won't give you any boy tried to chase my this young lady is not so good baitRMB:a dollarPenny:what a dollarRMB:come on you when I was a philanthropist the roses are sold me the last remaining in a classmate's sake will charge you a cost one dollar hurryPenny:you go to your rosesDon't throw the gibbet stem ah,I broke or otherwise,I want you to compensateANiu:RMB you too!Not a rosePenny:not just a roseANiu:gave penny let her in valentine's day has rose upPenny:who wants to youThis is not ANiu RMB:yi?You how can hereANiu:oh how can't IRMB:of course not!You can be a cucumber brother today isn't what's onANiu:I today and cucumberToday,but you of the valentine's day holidayANiu:who said I and he isThe truth:gee hasn't admit in the eyesANiu:I reallyRMB to sell the roses cucumber still perhaps can earn two threeANiu:I and how could he that thatRMB exchange rate:hello:now how much 8.31The ANiu:why would think so don't understandPenny:this also no wonder who called you all two pairs idiot would think soANiu:paired idiotic to cut itPenny:look at that cucumber cucumberCucumber:oh really exhausted mePenny:cucumber you big box of small boxCucumber:I don't want to,but I am born the life that I have what wayHow ANiu:who is your chocolateWhat is all hide cucumber:but my sisterPenny:why are you carrying on which of the elder sisterANiu:maybe the supermarket's auntCucumber:what do you see this cut like a girl to sendPenny:otherwise is a boyCucumber:play to didn't mean it with me this handsome and natural and unrestrained graceful bearing the handsome prince generous woman sending this day someone's things don't cry to shout a somebody else give I see no way to die,I just don't understand those little girlsPenny:there you are...Made todayCucumber:tell me about it,not even box of chocolate is still depends on what is the lowest price is $decades as the three digits of chocolate I see one took it into the dustbin today,don't know how many girls cry.What is it this way:hi times son have corp.this faceANiu:ah!The cucumber in uh-oh,I know the way is to carry these are just some of the face is enough for you to call me or a girlCucumber:you see this truth call me on my mobile phone,you still play embarrassedly and shy girlANiu:that you think why she didn't play your mobile phoneCucumber:hi somebody else a little girl is always a bit shy?This is not understand my mobile phone?Gee I phoneANiu:just the shy girl say you are shy of chocolate in the supermarket buy when the phone down on the counterCucumber:oh shitPenny,ANiu:cut hypocrisyWang:cucumber how tomorrow also don't now ready to PE!Run so fast to learn to fly?Tomahawk missilesANiu:he also wish to fly?How come you miss wangWang:oh,this is your next week I filled out the form now go to France,but it's not easy,I spent great effort to get here.给我分

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