幽默故事英文朗读

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所属分类:幽默
本文关于幽默的文章由88经典语录大全提供,生活中我们也常会听到一些幽默搞笑的段子,下面是小编收集的一些,一起来看看吧。

英语幽默故事带翻译

The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫,这只猫很老,它跑不快了,也咬不了东西,因为它年纪太大了。

一天,老猫发现一只老鼠,它跳过去抓这只老鼠,然而,它咬不住这只老鼠。

因此,老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了,因为老猫咬不了它。

于是,老妇很生气,因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。

她开始打这只猫,猫说:“不要打你的老仆人,我已经为你服务了很多年,而且还愿意为你效劳,但是,我实在太老了,对年纪大的不要这么无情,要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。

” A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去,当他沿着路走时,在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果,他说:“我不打算吃那些苹果,因为富人会给我更多的食物,他会给我很好吃的东西。

”然后他拿起苹果,一把扔到土里去。

他继续走,来到河边,河涨水了,因此,他到不了河对岸,他等了一会儿,然后他说:“今天我去不了富人家了,因为我不能渡过河。

” 他开始回家,那天他没有吃东西。

他就开始去找吃的,他找到苹果,很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。

不要把好东西扔掉,换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

The City Mouse and the Country Mouse Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city." The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid. After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid." 【译文】 城里老鼠和乡下老鼠 从前,有两只老鼠,它们是好朋友。

一只老鼠居住在乡村,另一只住在城里。

很多年以后,乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠,它说:“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。

”于是,城里老鼠就去了。

乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。

它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。

城里老鼠说:“这东西不好吃,你的家也不好,你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢?你应该搬到城里去住,你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子,还会吃上美味佳肴,你应该到我城里的家看看。

” 乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。

房子十分漂亮,好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。

可是正当他们要开始吃的时候,听见很大的一阵响声,城里的老鼠叫喊起来:“快跑!快跑!猫来了!”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。

过了一会儿,他们出来了。

当他们出来时,乡下老鼠说:“我不喜欢住在城里,我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。

因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在,比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说,要好些。

” Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行". A Good Boy Little ...

英文短文幽默故事

An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland.His only son was inprison.The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it,and received this reply,"For HEAVENS SAKE,don't dig up that garden,that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning,a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused,the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was:"Just plant your potatoes."一个老人独居在北爱尔兰,他的独生子正在坐牢.老人想在花园里种些土豆,但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松.他写信想儿子提及此事,儿子回信说道:“看在上帝的面上,千万不要翻松花园的泥土,我把枪埋在那儿了.”第二天凌晨4点,一队英国士兵出现在老人家中,在花园把土地翻遍,但并没有找到任何枪支.” 老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情,问到底发生了什么事情,下一步应该怎么做.儿子回信道:“你只管种土豆好了.”Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said,“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,”his mother answered. “ It's no use,”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.” 泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩,名叫帕特.现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎.帕特在别人家看见过婴儿,他不太喜欢他们,所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满.一天晚上,泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排.泰勒先生说:“有了婴儿,我们的房子就太小,不够住了.” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋,他问:“你们在说什么?”他的母亲回答说:“我们在说我们现在得搬家,因为婴儿就要诞生了.” “那没用,”帕特绝望地说.“他会跟我们到那儿去的.”

【英语幽默故事】作业帮

Be Careful What You Wish For A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays,which fell on the same day. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years,she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand,and Boom!She had the tickets in her hand. Next,it was the husband's turn.He paused for a moment,then said shyly,"Well,I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand,and Boom!He was ninety. 慎重许愿 一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日.他们恰好在同一天出生. 庆祝活动中,一位仙女出现了.她说,由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻,因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望. 妻子想周游世界.仙女招了招手.“呯!”的一声,她的手中出现了一张票. 接下来该丈夫许愿了.他犹豫片刻,害羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人.” 仙女拾起了魔术棒.“呯!”,他变成了90岁.

英语幽默小故事

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。

” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。

” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。

这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。

如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。

” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。

这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。

客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。

”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 1,Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。

谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗? 学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"...

求一篇英语的幽默故事,三分钟左右,在线等

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer.He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.Everything checks out,and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later,the businessman returns,repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says,"We are very happy to have had your business,and this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are a little puzzled.While you were away,we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman replied,"Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?" 这个故事也是在网上找的.看看合适吗.不知道你在什么水平.有两百字左右,应该可以讲三分钟吧.还挺有意思的,生词也不多.

英语幽默故事(中文翻译)

When he enters a room。

“很好,”那人说. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.&quot。

”他说,尊敬的主教大人'。

” 第四位母亲略思片刻。

“我的儿子身高六英尺十,体重三百磅,”她说,“他要是走入房间,carrying the pair of shoes. &quotWhose Son Is the Greatest The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons!" the man said。

” 第二为母亲说:“我的儿子是位主教。

他进入房间,人们都称, ', ' he said. &quot,先生,”鞋匠说, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hours he was on an airplane to his new job. Twenty years passed and he returned to his hometown;My son is a bishop. When he enters a room,&quot, 'Here we are; 快速服务 一个人把一双鞋子拿到一家鞋店,并对修鞋匠说,‘您好;Good morning," he said to him. &quot,&quot。

第二天早上,他收到一封信。

“我的儿子是个教士; The second mother went on, " the man said,他登上飞机去接受那份新工作,人们都说‘哦,我的上帝’!” Quick Service A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, &quot, people say?&quot, people say; "Name。

” “当然可以.&quot,”他对鞋匠说,“二十年前,我拿了一双鞋子来修。

你记得还有那双鞋吗?” “名字?”老鞋匠问。

“史密斯,”那人回答。

“我去瞧瞧,或许在后面呢。

” 鞋匠回到店的后面去,几分钟后又回来了,手里提着那双鞋子,“在这呢,”他说,“一双棕色的鞋子要修。

我有点忙,但可以到星期四把鞋子修好。

”. "I'll go and see. They may be out back. The shoemaker went out to the back of his shop -and a few minutes later returned . "When will they be ready?" the man asked. I'll go and see.扰He was pleased to see that the shoemaker was still in the same shop ,although he was an old man by now. "I wonder if the shoemaker is still there and still has them,虽然他已很老了, Your Excellency'. He remembered his shoes. "Hello; continued the next one;I', and left the shop. The next morning he received a letter; the shoemaker said。

二十年过去了;Smith,并离开了那家店。

” “我的儿子是位红衣主教,‘您好。

“早上好. "I'm a bit busy;d like you to repair these shoes for me. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds,&quot."Hello; "Certainly, sir,&quot, please;ll be ready for you on Thursday."m a bit busy now, but they'll probably be ready on Thursday,大人’,阁下';Twenty years ago, I brought in a pair of shoes to be repaired.&quot,”第一位母亲自豪地说道,他回到了故乡。

他记起了那双鞋;Oh, my God'; 谁的儿子最伟大 四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子; The fourth mother thought for a moment。

“我有点忙,但到星期四我会修好鞋子的,“请帮我修这双鞋子; the old shoemaker asked. &quot, people say.&quot,“他进入房间,人们都说。

“那是一双好鞋,”他想,“我想知道鞋匠是否还在那儿,是否还有那双鞋。

我要去看看。

” 他很高兴看到鞋匠还在那家店里,提供他一份在国外的工作;. "One pair of brown shoes to be repaired. I' "My son is a cardinal. Do you think you' he said. That's fine,“他走进房间,人们都说;They were a good pair of shoes," he thought. &quot, Monsignor';ve still got them?”那个人问, but they', " she said. &quot。

24小时内,‘您好?&quot,”第三位母亲接着说。

“什么时候能修好. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room

英语幽默故事带翻译

The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫,这只猫很老,它跑不快了,也咬不了东西,因为它年纪太大了。

一天,老猫发现一只老鼠,它跳过去抓这只老鼠,然而,它咬不住这只老鼠。

因此,老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了,因为老猫咬不了它。

于是,老妇很生气,因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。

她开始打这只猫,猫说:“不要打你的老仆人,我已经为你服务了很多年,而且还愿意为你效劳,但是,我实在太老了,对年纪大的不要这么无情,要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。

” A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去,当他沿着路走时,在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果,他说:“我不打算吃那些苹果,因为富人会给我更多的食物,他会给我很好吃的东西。

”然后他拿起苹果,一把扔到土里去。

他继续走,来到河边,河涨水了,因此,他到不了河对岸,他等了一会儿,然后他说:“今天我去不了富人家了,因为我不能渡过河。

” 他开始回家,那天他没有吃东西。

他就开始去找吃的,他找到苹果,很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。

不要把好东西扔掉,换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

The City Mouse and the Country Mouse Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city." The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid. After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid." 【译文】 城里老鼠和乡下老鼠 从前,有两只老鼠,它们是好朋友。

一只老鼠居住在乡村,另一只住在城里。

很多年以后,乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠,它说:“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。

”于是,城里老鼠就去了。

乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。

它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。

城里老鼠说:“这东西不好吃,你的家也不好,你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢?你应该搬到城里去住,你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子,还会吃上美味佳肴,你应该到我城里的家看看。

” 乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。

房子十分漂亮,好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。

可是正当他们要开始吃的时候,听见很大的一阵响声,城里的老鼠叫喊起来:“快跑!快跑!猫来了!”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。

过了一会儿,他们出来了。

当他们出来时,乡下老鼠说:“我不喜欢住在城里,我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。

因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在,比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说,要好些。

” Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行". A Good Boy Little ...

英语幽默故事,要中英对照,简单易背,但稍微长点。

急 啊 !!

Lucky Mother A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well. Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam. Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?" 幸运的母亲 一位年轻的母亲认为,世界上还有许多受饥饿的人,浪费食物真不应该。

有天晚上,在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前,她给女儿喂夜宵。

她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油,但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。

她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。

母亲看了女儿几秒钟,随即说道,“露茜,当我象你一样小的时候,总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。

” 露茜看了母亲一会儿,眼中露出怜悯的神情,然后她柔声说:“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?” this alligator isn't wearing any shoes either A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" 这只鳄鱼也没穿鞋 一个年轻的金发女郎在路易斯安那州的深处旅行。

有些道路很糟糕,因此她想要双真正的鳄鱼皮鞋,可是又不愿付出当地卖主开出的高价。

最后,一店主“恕不还价”的态度使她非常沮丧,于是大声嚷道:“也许我该出去亲自抓一只鳄鱼,这样我就能以合理的价格得到一双鳄鱼鞋。

” 店主说:“请便吧,朋友。

也许你很走运,会弄到一双大的。

” 女郎咬咬牙,转身向沼泽地走去,准备亲手抓只鳄鱼。

当天下午,在开车回家的路上,店主看到一个年轻妇女手提猎枪,站在齐腰的水中,这时,他看到一个巨大的9英尺长的鳄鱼向她快速游去。

她举起手,杀死了鳄鱼,费了很大的力气把它拖到岸边。

附近还有另外几只死鳄鱼。

店主惊奇地看着。

这时,女郎抽打着鳄鱼的后背,失望地叫喊道:“真该死!这只鳄鱼也没有穿鞋。

英语幽默故事3分钟

Xiaoming English class with the teacher,said:"May I go to the toilet?" The teacher said:"Go ahead." Xiaoming sit down.After a while,Xiao-Ming Yougen teacher,said:"May I go to the toilet?" The teacher said:"Go ahead." Xiaoming and sat down.He next to the students ask:"Do you not like a teacher talking about it to the toilet?How not?" Little said:"You heard the teacher say,'go to your head' ah!"

英语幽默故事

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。

这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。

” 2.昨天来了个老外,进到办公室,前台小姐左看右看,大家都在打游戏,只有自己比较清闲,面带微笑的: 前台小姐:“Hello.” 老外:“Hi.” 前台小姐:“You have what thing?” 老外:“Can you speak english?” 前台小姐:“If I not speak english, I am speaking what?” 老外:“Can anybody else speak english?” 前台小姐:“You yourself look. All people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go!” 老外:“Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English?” 前台小姐:“Shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing?” 老外:“I want to speak to your head.” 前台小姐:“Head not zai. You tomorrow come!”

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